12 more months of rent.

Couple signed a lease today. Only miss two days of rent, which is ideal, you need a day or so to make sure the apartment is clean and what not. Anyway, getting a lease signed is always a big weight off my shoulders.

Summer's over.

Just like that. Was promised the three hottest days of the year. But only got two. Took Betts topless up and down the coast a few times. Totally loved it.  Never seen the parking lot at Ocean Beach packed so full. It was quite a sight. Hung out with some friends. Worked on some stuff, some copywriting ideas with Pen. A pharmacy school essay with Michelle. Just got back home from dinner with my sister, brother in law, and mom.

I guess this is another one of those days where I feel like I got my hands tied. Would love to write about a bunch of stuff. But I can't. Just too personal. I guess that's it for today. 

Trips and trips.

So it looks like I'll be going to Vegas next month. Some of the Oregon guys are going and forcefully assumed I'd be going. We'll be rockin' the strip next month from the 10th through 12th. If I'm not back on the 13th, please assume the worst. Don't send any help. I'm sure I'll already be a dry pile of bones in the middle of the desert.

It looks like I may be leaving the country as well. The times and destinations are TBD. I guess I'll talk about it more once things settle down over here with the apartment and I actually book. I found my old passport. Sucker expired just three months ago, which means I was 22 when I took that picture. Man, I look like a kid.

Part of me feels like I'm low on gas. Part of me feels like I'm starting a new life. I guess the two go hand in hand.

Last night I got my first full night's rest in a while. I was so tired I forgot to eat my leftover paella from yesterday's lunch. Didn't even bring my phone back to my room to charge it, so I didn't hear my alarm clock. Woke up at 8AM on the dot.

I wish I could tell you life is really exciting. Well, it is. Even if I sound a little beat.

It's Tuesday. But it feels like Monday.

I haven't gotten much sleep the past week or so. I think the earliest I've gotten to bed has been about 2AM. And I've been waking up as early as 6AM. I think at some point I made the decision that even if I don't get enough sleep, I'll live with it. It's been working out, but that doesn't make me feel any less exhausted.

This past weekend in particular was pretty awesome. Had a couple of friends in town. Caught the Giant's game on Saturday, the only game against the Padres we actually won, which went into extra innings. Weather was great, company was great, the win was great. On Sunday went to a BBQ with some friends. Again, good times. Met a few new people, hung out withe some Oregon people. Lots of food, lots of beer.

Last night, hung out with the same group. Went to My Tofu House and Mitchell's Ice Cream afterwards. Pretty much an entire night of good food and dirty jokes. Good times.

Writing drunk

sounds like a good idea until you read it the morning after.

The latest happenings in my life.

It's been a pretty quiet year managing my apartment. That is, until now. A two-bedroom unit is opening up downstairs, and I just posted an opening for a lovely 2-bedroom unit on Craigslist. So if you or anyone you know is looking for a 2-bedroom unit in San Francisco, please let me know.

It's always a little nerve wracking when a unit goes vacant. The mortgage payment is always there, so when a unit is vacant, there I have to cover the payments with my own cash. This year's looking pretty tight. Things usually have a way of working themselves out financially, but it does put me on edge nonetheless.

That said, August/September is usually a decent time to rent out an apartment. It's back-to-school season, and so long as the other tenants stay put, I should be in good shape. Last year was pretty tough; two units were vacating at the same time, and I was still looking for work. So relatively speaking, this isn't so bad at all.

This weekend is looking extra packed. Dung is coming down from Portland to hang out, and we're going to catch a Giant's game with some Oregon peeps on Saturday, and BBQ at Aaron's place on Sunday. In fact, there's another BBQ going on Sunday with some of the pokeroke (yes, poker + karaoke) folks from Firefly, so I may check in at both, depending on how I'm feeling. On top of showing the apartment in the morning. Busy times.

Dung's bringing down a special sumpthin', sumpthin'. I ordered a new iMac. Here's some math:

21.5" iMac: $1499
Shipping to Oregon: Free and no tax
Student discount: -$100
Free iPod touch to sell on Craigslist: -$150
Selling my old iMac: -$600

Final cost $649.

Not a bad deal if you ask me. And it's also going to make my Starcraft 2 sessions look a helluvalot prettier. And yes, I was hella Chinese (cheap) about it.

In closing, it's been a long week. I haven't been getting much sleep the past week or so. Which is par for the course, there was a strange month or so where I was getting up early enough to go for a jog and get ready for work before my carpool arrived. Not so much these days. I've still been working out, but I haven't been running as much. We'll see how that goes.

After wearing out my first two CDs (the new ride doesn't have a CD changer OR play MP3 CDs, so I'm going decidedly old school), I made myself a new CD that I'm actually quite proud of. So much so that I even like listening to that playlist at home. I was inspired by some of the music that plays in Californication. A touch of rock. Uptempo. Very beach-y California. Perfect for Betty.

And that's it. Time to hit the shower. That'll buy me two more stabs at the snooze button in the morning. Good night world.

I've kinda come to some conclusions about things.

That's probably why I haven't has as much to report. I'm sure at some point, things are going to get rough again. And then I'll start writing and running and doing whatever it takes to bore my way through it. But for now, I'm just cruising with Betty into the sunset.

Alright. Throw everything out the window.

=)

Good times, tough times.

The past few days have been tough at work. Late nights, banging out 20 page copy decks for our partnership with AT&T. I'm pretty proud of the work we did, and today was a bit of a payoff, a couple superiors took our work to present it in Seattle. So far so good.

Today was a bit of a payoff, light work, not a lot of meetings, pho' for lunch. Last night met up with Ryan again to go to Nags. Tonight Aaron is coming over to pick me up for some more bbq at his place. So for now, that means a few more drinks this week.

Another biggie to report, one of my tenants is moving out. So I'm going to have a vacant 2 bedroom apartment in a month. I'm a little concerned about this, as is always the case, but right now is the best time for apartments to go vacant with back to school apartment hunting in full swing. Plus I'm hoping the rental market is a little hotter than it was a year ago. So once I get that posted on Craigslist, we're good to go.

This week's really zipped by pretty fast, despite the longer hours at work.

* * *

I read something the other day that really bugged me, felt like down and getting kicked in the face. I don't think I deserved it. Some things are behind me, and others I'm still getting over. It's tough. But I guess it doesn't matter. I have a lot to say about this, but again, none of it really matters. I just need to clean myself up and move on.

* * *

This weekend I'm checking out the Poets Wanted group on meetup.com. Doesn't look like there's gonna be a big turn out, but whatever. It's a start. I've also been passing some of my poems around to a few colleagues from grad school. I'm really glad that we're still in touch, and even though we're in different parts of the country, we still take the time out to go over each others' work. I really appreciate little sacrifices like that.

* * *

Paid a couple bills today. Sweet. Still have some other loose ends I have to tie up before others start coming undone. Getting to things you put off is always a relief. I just wish I'd take care of them sooner.

FYB!

Man, it's been a tiring week.

And it's only Tuesday. Starting Sunday night, I was up browsing on my iPhone till after midnight. Then for some reason I was up at about 6. Then it turns out I have one of my longest days at work, including homework that I have to take home and deal with. Today was a wash, rinse repeat, though I did have a scare with Betts. Yes. She does take a lot out of me. Yesterday after work I noticed that my rear tire was looking a little deflated. Not sure what happened, but I did notice the valve stem cap was missing. Took her into the Chevron on 25th and Geary this morning at about 8:30. Three Chinese guys inspected my car. I only mention they're Chinese cause they spoke to each other in Chinese, and I knew they were talking shit. Anyway, they ran a water test on the tire, and couldn't find any leaks. So they filled up the air in all my tires and sent me on my way. No charge or anything, which was pretty cool. So I had that on my mind, a ton of work to do, right through lunch all the way to about six and a half. So like I said, man, it's been a tiring week. But hey, I haven't been drinking. And I worked out a bunch today. Crunches in bunches. Curls, pulls, and push-ups. I haven't run in a little over a week, I've been to beat the past couple days, but I do need to pick it up again. I have been eating really really super-light dinners, so I think that'll help me on my way to looking super-awesome-sexy. Been playing a little Starcraft, too. Amazing how many ppl have gone apeshit over a game, but kudos to Blizzard, they really created an involved, competitive, social experience. And I can totally run it on my aging iMac. Sure, all the effects are turned down, but I still get the complete gaming experience. I think things right now are starting to plateau for me. Or at least aren't as chaotic as they have been over the past couple of weeks. Though I did feel utterly defeated last night, contemplating the deflated rear tire, and the project I was handed to last night, that I was able to finish today. That said, overall things are going in the right direction I think. Though I have to say, when I was younger, I thought my life would be pretty different now, that I'd be married, and doing a bunch of awesome stuff. I think if I were to talk to my younger self, I would impress him quite a bit. Man, he had a lot to learn. But I can't say that I necessarily impress myself, either. I dunno, should that be a goal in one's life, to impress themselves? That's a thought. So there is this whole foray into online dating that I've been contemplating in my spare time, which surprisingly has been pretty sparse these days. It's pretty slow. And it's really picture driven, which is kinda sad. But I guess like all things, things will happen in their due time. Anyway, it's getting pretty late, and I don't want to make a habit out of staying up late all the time. I think there are still some things on my mind that I haven't really gotten any closure on. But sometimes, that's all the closure you get. Anyway, if you've actually bothered to read this far, after all, I only have like five or six regular visitors to my site, and I already know who two of you are, not sure about the rest, one of the things that's always bugged me about blogging is the whole anonymous nature of it. Are you a total stranger? A data miner? Somebody I know that's secretly reading my blog? Somebody I hate? Being curious about the curious, I've tried out a couple of stat tracking widgets on my blog. One from statcounter and the other from Google. I don't know how accurate either of them are, since they don't always match up. But generally I get some visits from Oregon, a few from New York, a couple from New Jersey, a bunch in the bay, including Alameda, San Francisco, and San Jose, and a sparse few from Southern California, including Garden Grove. Is that a glitch, or do I really know somebody in Garden Grove? Anyway, most of those hits are from iPhone browsers. You know who you are! Unfortunately, I don't. One of the passing thoughts I've had over the past few months is whether or not coming to San Francisco was the best decision for me. And now that I'm kinda tied down to my apartment, it's not like I can just get up and go with the wind. Then again, there's still a lot of city here for me to explore. And I guess I'm slowly discovering that on my own, though I do envy people who are quite a bit more adventurous than myself. I have been frequenting a local bar with Ryan a few times over the past couple weeks. Got to know some of the bartenders there, woo, talk about hotties. And I am looking forward to that poetry workshop I signed up for on meetup.com. The last I checked it was the moderator and two dudes. Hmm. I wonder if I have anything that's really worthwhile for them to workshop. Who knows. Why is it so cold in here? Over the past month I've had to use my space heater. And it's pretty depressing that I have to keep Betty's top on while I'm cruising around SF since weather isn't permitting. Jesus, it's summer! Can't you send down a little more sunshine? Hmmm...what I wouldn't give to hear your voice. It's funny how sometimes you meet people that are a certain way, like this guy I know, that's pretty cool to hang out with, is really on-point with the things he does, but can also be a little stiff at times, enough to the point where we can laugh about him, and he can laugh at himself in recognition. I do wonder how other people think about me sometimes. I have another friend that said his therapist says that people that go through certain kinds of abuses at a young age grow up to be sensitive in life. My take is that some people take certain abuses better than others. Others just cave in. I know for myself, growing up was rough, but I guess it wasn't all that bad either. My parents really didn't know anything about being parents. Most of the time they were just trying to survive. Sure, they were irresponsible and let their emotions get the best of them at times, while still managing to accomplish more than a lot of people could with a lot less. They still piss me off sometimes, but I think for the most part, I've forgiven them. I find one of the most mature characteristics I find in people is when they can look at somebody behaving badly and understand that they are acting a certain way for a reason that makes sense instead of reacting emotionally. I'm not saying I'm always that kind of person, especially when it comes to my parents, but I guess with them, I love them too much to hate them forever. Maybe love is too strong of a word. But I certainly appreciate them, even with all their faults. So what was I saying, something about it getting late? Yeah. I can keep writing though. Some things I'd like to do more often. Running. Writing Yelp reviews. Going to places that are worth writing Yelp reviews for. Spending more time with my family. Getting out more often. That's another interesting thing that happened this weekend, chalk it up to me not wanting Betty to be left out in the open or subject to my improper parallel parking skills, but I took the bus to the Inner Sunset. Sure, people do it everyday, but this was my second time in two weeks. And you know what, it really didn't take that much longer than driving. Sure, it cost two bucks. But it does feel nice to get around pretty conveniently to somewhere I could see myself hanging around at a little more, by public transit. I do live in the city, after all. Anyway, I went to go meetup with Penny, and ended up moseying on over to Ning's restaurant where I ran into Em and two of her friends. Had some appetizers, had some beer. Then Penny swung back over and we settled down for some pretty good Thai food. This time we had Ning choose everything for us. I have to say, it was good, but not as good as the first time I tried it. I think it's cause the stuff she gave us was a little different than what I'd associate with thai food. Not sure if I'd order those dishes again. But still glad I went. And I still get a kick out of reading the menu that I wrote. Definitely something to be proud of even if nobody will ever notice it. And yeah, there were a few typos, but they look like mechanical errors than my errors, sentences getting chopped off, missing punctuations, that kinda thing. But at least nothing is misspelled, and there aren't any grammatical errors. Hmm...something else that's been on my mind lately is taking care of my bills. I've got a few that I've been sitting around on and not following up with, parking tickets and that kinda thing, and I'm behind on billing my tenants for their utilities. I'll have to do that soon, especially since Betty ate up all my cash. Or rather, I spent a lot on Betty. Sometimes details like bills, and rebates, and notes to self that easily go missing like a stack of shuffled receipts does kind of bug me. But what can you do. I guess it's only important to me if something major happens, and suddenly I'm assed out for cash. But I don't foresee anything like that happening anytime soon, where I couldn't at least get some help or find a way to work things out. Man, the pressures of being a grown up. Anyway I hope I get all that shit squared away. I guess another last thing that's been bugging me just a touch is my job. Man. How things happen in the corporate world. How some people get to high places that have major, major issues. How other people who have a lot of talent don't get too far for one reason or the other. I dunno. Really, my last concern should be about personalities, but I guess that's what tends to get my attention. How long do I want to stay at my office? I'm not sure. I mean, I don't have any immediate plans, but you never know when plans my befall you, that is, getting laid off. One thing that's for sure, I do love my coworkers. Man, they're a pretty cool and diverse bunch. I was really upset when my group first moved into the refugee camp. But it's not so bad now, and I get to peek over my shoulder and crack a joke or get some feedback on a project right away. Though it is pretty funny how much we all chat online, even though we're literally only two feet apart from each other. Anyway, that's all besides the point. I do my job damn well, and I don't know if anybody's ever going to appreciate that. There's politics, and there's egos. The experience I'm getting isn't all that great. I mean, if our company really takes off or gets bought out, which are both kind of longshots, but definitely possibilites...I don't know. It is pretty comfortable, I am learning new skills, and I do get to use many of the skills that I've acquired up to this point, sometimes up to my limit. But I do miss ad work, even if it's tiring, and doesn't pay as much, it's still certainly more exciting. And the longer I do in-house work, the less of a reality that is for me. But I still have a number of months to go before my one-year mark. Maybe I'll really start thinking hard at my year-and-a-half mark. That is, again, unless I get canned first. It just happens too often where I work. I don't even know when I started writing about this post. But I guess it does feel a little therapeutic, just blurting it all out there. I mean, I don't know if you knew this or not, but this blog is really all about me. Well maybe not that much about me, as much as it is about us. Details, details, details. I know I do my blog a disservice when I don't get into all the nitty gritty. Set up the scene. Talk about the weather, what people are wearing, underlying circumstances or all that. That's another thing I'd like to do, color some entries and make them count. Alright, that's enough mental gymnastics for one night. If you've read this far, please do me a favor and leave a comment that says FYB! Thanks.

Mad Men is freaking awesome.

Excellent dialog. Unexpected twists. Smart writing. Stunning performances.

Don Draper is a monster. The scene where he's waiting for his keys, you keep thinking the nurse is going to pick him up. But no, it's his secretary. Completely blindsides the audience. And when he finally makes his move, the look on his face, the way the light catches the angles on his face and he loses himself to his lust. That dude is one bad man. And then to cap it all off, he gives her the Christmas bonus he promised her at the beginning of the episode. Talk about irony. When he first mentions it, he sounds like the most awesome boss in the world. When he gives it to her at the end of the episode, it reduces her to what essentially amounts to prostitution. What is she typing at the end? Is she writing her resignation letter? Is she going back to work? The audience is left hanging.

The other story lines were also pretty crazy, Peggy's dialog with the old copywriter, how the old guy is such a loser, but when he finally gives her some solid advice, she totally goes against it. Roger really buckling down and turning the other cheek to the Lucky Strike client, man, what a bastard. And all the little one liners, all under the backdrop of a Christmas party. A lot of shows draw a parallel between the seasons on the show with those happening in the audiences'time to make the show feel more real. Mad Men does the complete opposite, to draw a stark contrast between what we as an audience hope for and expect, versus the bitter reality of what we get.

That episode almost makes me want to watch it again, it was that well done. Mad Men is one of my favorite shows, ever.

Letting go.

After great pain a formal feeling comes—
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions—was it He that bore?
And yesterday—or centuries before?
The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow—
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

—Emily Dickinson

If you've taken any college-level English or American literature course, chances are, you've read this poem. And despite uneven rhythms and too many em dashes, if there was ever a poem that spoke to the stages of grief, this is it—even if it's a pretty dark poem.

The past few months haven't been very good to me. I've definitely had my shares of downs. And like the stock market, I've always seen opportunity in depression:

- I mentioned I've been drinking a little more. That's not necessarily a bad thing—I don't drink alone, so it means that I'm getting out, probably more now than I have over the past couple years.

- I've made it a point to reconnect with friends that I haven't been in touch with for a while, people who's company we mutually appreciate.

- I've tried to take a different perspective with work, making an effort to be a little more social with my team and taking a more proactive role with some of my projects. In sports, people talk about mature players as letting the game come to them—they aren't over-anxious or try too hard to do too much while remaining assertive, making the right decisions at the appropriate times. So long as I have a job, that's the kind of person I'd like to be in the office.

- I've stuck to working out. Running. Crunches. A little weights. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see the shape of me changing. Oh, hellew definition.

- Online dating. Yes, I'm taking the plunge. Online dating is almost like therapy. In theory, it sounds like a good idea, but you never know how people are going to look at you when you say you've tried it out. That said, I'm looking forward to posting my experiences.

- Online socializing. Now this one is a little different. A good friend of mine suggested meetup.com. I had no idea what it was all about, but apparently there are people that get together online, make their own little clubs, and do stuff they enjoy. So, I've decided to give that a shot as well. If you've read this blog, you're well aware of the sentimental, self-indulgent random words I put together and pawn off as poetry. Well, I joined a poetry group that's meeting in the Mission next week, and I could use some additional perspective on my work writings scribbles stuff.

It's never easy getting over things, but hurt isn't always a bad thing. You can let it bring you down, or you can take that emotion and make something productive out of it, so that when you look back, you'll have something to show for it. So that's what I'm doing.

Now it's time to play some Starcraft!